Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
