I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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