Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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