i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
