sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
