What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
