that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
