dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
