My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
