You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
