For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
