How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
