I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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