During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
honey bunches of taint.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
