I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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