i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
