So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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