Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
