I cannot find my penis.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
