hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
