Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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