Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
