I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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