Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
