chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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