I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
