im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
