I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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