i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
