We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
