i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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