Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
