I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
