I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
