I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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