Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
