I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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