God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
