I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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