Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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