ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
