just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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