Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
