I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
