its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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