i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
