I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
