I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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