He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
