youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
