went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize