IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
