I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
