he puts the penis in happiness.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
