We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
