That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
