I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I enjoy the company of your penis
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
