Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My cat gives me a boner
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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