you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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