You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i drank out of a bidet.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
