I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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