I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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