So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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