Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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