Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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