I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
