Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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