Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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