i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
