It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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