If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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