It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
