we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
