This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
