ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
