remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize