Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
