____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
