everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize