She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
