I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize