Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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