Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
