ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were destined to go to rehab together
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
