My nipple is on Facebook.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
