positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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