this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
