My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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