College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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