I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
