why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this will be a night to untag.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
