I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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