I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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