very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
