Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
