Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
