Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize