We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
