Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
